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Control your cravings with this easy trick!

April 24, 2019 by Eric Deeter Leave a Comment

You can experience your future right now!

I’m not talking about you getting in a DeLorean, like Marty McFly, and blasting through time. Don’t get me wrong. I love time travel movies and TV shows.

What I’m talking about is your real future . . . at least your real potential future. And what I’m talking about is a whole lot more useful than Science Fiction.

It began a few months ago.

I’ve been eating too much sugar this winter. It started with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. Oh . . . those deserts were good! I opened the door and the cravings continued. I kept giving in. Those deserts are so good!

And then I had a couple of weeks working out of town. I ended up eating what was quick and easy rather than what was good for me.

Consequently, I picked up some extra pounds. And I felt bloated and sluggish.

Two weeks ago, I decided I needed to take strong measures.

I quit eating sweets. And I made sure to eat healthy. After a few days, I got my zip back. (But the extra pounds will take a bit longer.)

This week, Brenda, my wife, set out the “new” flavor of M&Ms she bought. I felt that familiar urge to grab a handful . . . but I only ate two.

I didn’t use willpower!

You see, I know not to argue with my cravings. My logic and willpower are too weak. The cravings always win. I can say, “I don’t want to . . .” But I end up doing it anyway.

But I’ve learned how to fight back when my cravings grab me!

Here’s the secret weapon I use.

I grab power from the future!

Here’s the thing. I know how regret feels.

So I look at what I crave and imagine how I’m going to feel afterwards.

You know what it’s like to fight your cravings. You know you’re going to feel miserable later. But knowing it and feeling it are two different things.

Here’s my secret weapon to beat back the cravings.

I focus on the future feeling that I know is coming if I give in. I make that feeling of regret real. I use my imagination to create the emotion and make it as strong as possible.

You see, your craving is tempting you with pleasure. You don’t crave what feels bad. And, even when your mind tells you that regret and misery are on the other side, you still give in and go for feeling good right now.

But you can change your “I wish I hadn’t done that” into “I’m not going to do that.”

You can’t change your emotions using logic.

You have to use an opposite feeling if you want to change a feeling.

Yes, pulling from your future and feeling regret right NOW makes you feel bad. You need more than logic and arguments. Only real feelings are going to kill the desire for what you’re craving. And the stronger you can feel it the easier it is to resist the temptation.

Feeling bad is good!

Here’s the deal. It feels good after you win this battle. Let’s be honest. The pleasure you get from having what you crave doesn’t last very long. But the regret and misery linger like a bad smell.

In the same way, you’ll only feel bad for a little while. And feeling your success when you win is sweet.

All you need is a little attention.

Of course, when you live on autopilot you can have half a bag of chips eaten before you even realize they’re in your hand. You have to pay attention and remember to use this strategy when cravings hit.

Most of the people you meet live 95% of their life on autopilot.

My mission is to help you pay attention and live your life on purpose. You live a life of freedom when you live from the inside out!

If you feel stuck and need to get some traction toward your big dreams, click the button below and schedule a free consultation with me. I’ll be glad to help.

How to quit on yourself!

April 11, 2019 by Eric Deeter Leave a Comment

I used to be a good quitter.

For most of my life, I looked for the easy button. I loved short-cuts and life-hacks. If the job was hard or not fun, I’d cut corners to get it done as fast as possible and with the least amount of work.

Oh, I set goals, every once in a while. But I never had a strategy. I never made a plan. I was a dreamer. I saw myself doing great things. But I quit when things got hard.

The result was that I only set small, easy-to-reach goals.

This is how I quit being a runner.

Do you remember the movie Forrest Gump, where Forrest started the national running craze? I was part of that running craze. (I mean, the real running craze. I’m pretty sure the movie was fiction.)

I was in my late twenties, and I realized I was overweight and out-of-shape. “Everyone” was running. So I decided I’d join in.

We were in the Stone Age compared to what runners have today. There was no internet. You had to be part of a running group or subscribe to magazines to get scraps of info about training, nutrition, and equipment. Most of us just strapped on an old pair of shoes and went out and hit the road.

I was a poor runner.

I mean, I was “poor” in two ways.

I didn’t have enough money to buy great shoes or special clothing. And I didn’t have the natural ability to run fast.

But, even with my disadvantages, I decided I would run a marathon. So I trained hard, and we scraped together enough for the entry fee.

I ran and finished the Lincoln Marathon!

I finished at the back of the pack. And the walkers weren’t going much faster than I was at the end. But four hundred people didn’t finish at all. So I celebrated that as my victory.

I quit being a runner long before I knew I’d quit.

But I made a big mistake after my “win.” I reached my goal, but I didn’t set another one to keep me motivated. I still told myself I was a runner. But I quit training hard. I didn’t have the passion to keep going.

Oh, I’d still go out and knock out a few miles. And I still thought of myself as a runner. After all, I still had the T-shirt and finisher’s medal from my marathon! But, in reality, I was in a long, slow fade that led me to quitting.

And I spent the next several decades overweight and out of shape.

I’ve been a good quitter for most of my life.

I’ve done this “slow taper to quitting” with other stuff in my life besides running. I’d start something new. Work at it for a while. Then I’d lose interest, and I’d taper off and quit.

I finally made real changes in my life!

Being a quitter didn’t mean I gave up trying to make my life better. I read all the books. I went to seminars. I tried positive self-talk, affirmations, NLP, and prayer. But I was still looking for a magic bullet. I wanted an easy button.

Then, three years ago, something clicked. It wasn’t an easy button. But it was like a switch was flipped in my mind.

Since then, I’ve made amazing changes in my life. That’s why I say I used to be a quitter. I’ve learned to focus my thoughts and direct my mind to create the kind of life I’ve dreamed about for years.

The thing is that my old habits didn’t vanish. Sure, I’ve got new habits now. I’ve set big goals to live a life of excellence. I’ve rewired my brain. And the strategies I used to change my life are the tools I share with my coaching clients.

But those old habit pathways are still there in my brain. They’re like abandoned highways. The grass and weeds have grown up. And I don’t use those roads any more. But it doesn’t take much to start traveling them again.

You see, old habits never die. They only fade.

You don’t really erase a habit. You have to override it with a new habit, a stronger one. But that old habit stays there in your brain.

Think about those smokers who have quit smoking for years, and then, one day, they start smoking again. The same is true for alcoholics. You’ve probably had this experience if you’ve ever tried losing weight. You change your habits to get the result that you want. And, then once you get the results, you relax. Then you eventually slip back into your old habits.

So what do you do to not quit on yourself? Let me tell you what I’m doing the second time around.

I turned my “quit running” into a long pause.

I started running again last year.

I became an ultra marathon runner in 2018. I went from running 0 miles to running and finishing the Hawk 50-mile trail race in Lawrence, KS.

It was only a few days into my recovery when I said to myself, “Self, I think you might be able to do the 100 mile version of this race next year.”

I kicked that idea around in my mind for about a week. Then I realized what I was doing. I was saying to myself, “I think I can,” rather than “I’m going to.”

You see, I made my zero-to-fifty mile goal a no-doubt-about-it-I’m-gonna-do-it commitment. I had no doubt I’d do it!

But here I was thinking about my 100-mile goal with a well-maybe-I-can-if-things-go-right seed of doubt. I thought, “What am I doing? I’m planning my excuse to fail even before I start!”

My “goal” was better than nothing.

Don’t get me wrong. Setting my sights on something bigger gave me a better shot at not quitting this time.

But I so you see how my self-talk was way too weak?

So I went through a bit of self-evaluation. Do I truly want a bigger goal? Can I set this goal as a certainty rather than a wish?

I rolled this around in my mind and answered “Yes!” So I started planning and training.

I saw the early signs of QUIT coming back.

My inner transformation went deeper than just becoming an ultra runner. My whole approach to life is different now. Running and changing my diet were the two most visible results of my inner changes.

And it was my diet and my running where the signs of the slow fade to a big QUIT showed up.

My first compromise was sugar.

I didn’t really cut sugar out of my life. I just cut way back. But last Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years tempted me into eating too much sugar and too much food.

The result was that I gained seven pounds. And those seven extra pounds stayed with me.

At the same time, we had a wet, cold winter in Kansas City this year. I let the deep snow, the mud, and the rain be my excuse to stay inside and warm.

This was the same pattern that led me to quit running the last time.

I told myself my inner compromise wasn’t a big deal. I kept doing my other “good habits.”

You know how this works, don’t you? You can be killing it in some areas, and really sucking in others.

The problem is that when you let a few things slide it’s that “quitting” attitude spreads like a virus, and pretty soon your whole life sucks.

This time I’m paying attention!

This time I’m not taking that slow fade to a big QUIT.

The me from the past, that go-with-the-flow, Que Sera Sera quitter is over!

I’ve vowed to stop living from my past and take charge of my present and my future.

So I’m having smoothies for breakfast, and salads for lunch. Also, I’m doing intermittent fasting. (That means I only eat breakfast and lunch.)

And I tamed my sugar dragon!

My body no longer feels bloated and sluggish. I’m seriously training for my 100 mile trail race in September. This time will be different. I’m not a quitter any more.

I’m dealing with my crap.

As a life coach, my goal is to be transparent. The strategies I share with clients are the same ones I use myself. There is no Easy Button. But that doesn’t mean changing your life for the better has to be hard either.

It helps to have a coach.

I’ve worked hard to change my life for years on my own. I finally had some success. But hiring a coach was one of the best decisions I made. My coach has a coach.

So what I offer my one-to-one clients are tools to help them pay attention. The greatest power God gave us is the ability to choose our thoughts. Knowing how to use this truth was what changed my life. It can change yours too.

Get my free exercise that I used to start getting control in my life. Just leave me your name and email in the box below for instant access.

You are not where you think you are!

April 4, 2019 by Eric Deeter Leave a Comment

Where are you at right now?

I know, I know. You’re probably thinking this is a silly question. Because you look around and you say I’m at the gym. Or I’m at home. Or I’m at work. Or, I’m sitting here reading a blog post, and it doesn’t really matter where I am now, does it?

But what if I told you that you’re not really where you think you are?

You’ve probably heard all the talk about”mindfulness” and “being in the moment.” There’s even a famous book called The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle.

You see, I’m not asking you where your body is right now. I’m asking where YOU are right now.

If you’re like me, your mind and attention aren’t usually in the same place where your body is.

If this is a new idea for you, just try to have your mind and attention focused only on your body and your immediate surroundings for 5 minutes. Go ahead and give it a go. I’ll wait right here.

Queue the musical interlude

Oh, good! You’re back.
Well . . . How did you do?

It takes a lot of work to get your mind to hold still. You’re always thinking.

And you’re usually thinking about either the past or the future.

Focusing on NOW is hard. That’s why people write books about how and why to do it.

The reason that NOW is so important is that it’s the only time you really have.

Your past is only memory.

Your future is only imagination.

Let me explain what I’m talking about. Your past is kept in your brain as stories you tell yourself and others about what has happened in your life. On the other hand, you imagine your future by telling stories about what you will do, what you want to do, or what you have to do. (You also imagine stories of scary/awful things you’re afraid might happen.)

Movies in your mind

Your past and future stories are like movie trailers, always running in your mind. This means that your mind is either reviewing and reliving your past or imagining your future. Your body is in the NOW, but your mind is usually somewhere else.

Your mental autopilot

You and I tend to deal with the NOW of life by running on autopilot. Your subconscious routines and habits help you manage the regular details of life. You know how you can drive home from work and not remember the trip? Those autopilot habits are a good thing. They free up your mind to focus on more important things.

The challenge you face is that your mind wants to keep you just like you are.

Your mental autopilot is like a computer program using stories from your past to determine what you do. Your thoughts, actions, and decisions become habits. You keep repeating them, and life goes on. Both your subconscious and your conscious mind tell you, “Don’t mess with the system as long as it works.”

Your mind also uses your imagination against you. Just consider how things are always worse, bigger, and scarier when you’re looking forward to what might be. It could be a survival tool. Imagining the worst does tend to make you more cautious.

But what if you want to transform your life?

You have to overcome your mind if you are every going to change your life. To do that you will need to learn how to take control of your NOW as well as what you imagine about your future.

Think about this: Your brain can’t tell the difference between a past memory, a present event, and what you imagine about the future.

The electrical circuits and chemical response between your brain and body are the same whether you’re thinking about the past, the present, or the future.

You’ve experienced this, haven’t you?

Think about what happens when you watch a movie, or read a book. You feel it in your body as if it’s real.

The same thing happens when you remember past events. You replay the story in your mind and feel the pain, joy, anger, or hurt as if it’s happening right now.

Meet Future You.

I started this blog post by asking where you are right now. And you’re probably wondering where all this is going. Hang with me a little more. I do have a purpose in all this.

Where will you be in ten years?

You see, I don’t want to live my life just repeating my past. I don’t want to live on autopilot!

And, since you’re here, I’m guessing that you want to live a transformed life too.

Ten years from now, you and I will be 4.5 trillion miles from where we are right now. Our solar system moves at 518,000 miles per hour.

So how can you connect to Future You over such a huge gap of time and space?

There’s a principle in quantum mechanics called the Law of Entanglement. It says that when particles of matter are entangled, they influence each other, no matter how far they are separated in space and time. I may be making a quantum leap here, but this suggests how Future You can provide you energy to change your life!

Here’s how to tap into the power of Future You.

Instead of running the VCR tapes from your past, you can create virtual reality, digital stories of Future You. Sure, the stories are in your imagination. But remember, your brain doesn’t know the difference!

Here’s how to make this work in your life.

Write down your goals. What do you want your life to look like in 10 years? Be specific. Where will you be living? What work will you be doing? What were your relationships with your friends and family look like? What kind of car would you have? How much money will you make? What are the things you no longer put up with? What new skills have you learned?

This is the standard goal-setting strategy you’ve heard before. You know the drill. You write out all this stuff and then you take your list and break it down in small steps. Then you work each day to get it done.

The problem I had with the standard goal-setting model was that my autopilot never disengaged. My habits kept me doing the same things over and over. And you know what they say about doing the same things over and over and expecting different results, don’t you? Yes, I drove myself crazy!

I started getting results when I learned to tap into the power of Future Me.

Here’s how that part works.

You do your typical goal setting exercise. Write down the kind of life you want to have one year, five years, 10 years from now. However long you want to imagine into the future to build the life you’re dreaming about.

Now, take these goals and create a mental picture of what your life is like as Future You. Make it your virtual reality! Make it feel real!

Your imagination knows how to do this. When you’re asleep your dreams feel real. Practice using your imagination just as strongly to create Future You and the house you live in, the cars you drive, the life you’re living!

Remember, your imagination is just as powerful as your memory. Use your imagination to turn your list of goals into a story about Future You that is just as real as your memories of your past.

You can find great information and resources to transform your life. You’ll find millions of hits if you Google “self-improvement.”

But there may come a time when you find having a coach will give you the turbo-boost you need to start building the road to your big dreams and goals.

When you’re ready, I’m here to help. Click the button below now! Schedule a free consultation.

What tribe are you from!

March 26, 2019 by Eric Deeter Leave a Comment

March Madness is in full swing as I write this! People everywhere are talking about college basketball, busted brackets, and surprising upsets.

College basketball may not be your thing, but I live in a sports town. You’re kind of an outsider here if you don’t have a team you root for.

Here in Kansas City, we have three college teams within driving distance. This time of year you see a lot of team colors from the Jayhawks, Wildcats, and Tigers — University of Kansas, Kansas State, and Missouri. And the rivalries between these schools and their fans are fierce.

In fact, the rivalry between Missouri and both universities in Kansas is so deep that a former Missouri coach, Norm Stewart, refused to buy gas or food in the state of Kansas whenever his team played in the state.

We also have the Royals and Chiefs — major league baseball and NFL football.

I wrote a previous blog post about why your identity is so vital to your success. Your identity is the real driver of everything you do.

And we’re all trained to take our identity from things outside ourselves. Your job, your house, your car, your status, all these things feel like they make you who you are. And the story you tell yourself and others about who you are comes from these “outside” factors. And living from the outside in isn’t all that desirable.

But there’s another “outside” source of identity you need to think about.

This is the identity you get from your “tribe.” Yes, I know what you’re thinking. Tribe is an over-used word. But it describes exactly the idea I’m talking about.

Your tribe is the group of people you let influence your identity.

It starts with your family.

In the case of family, you never really had much choice in the matter. You landed with adults who did the best they could. At least, that’s what’s supposed to happen.

For better or worse, you developed your deepest stories about who you are and how you relate to the world by the time you’re around eight years old. And you don’t have any filter to judge whether or not any of these stories are true or whether they are helpful for the life you have ahead of you.

Most of us have at least some amount of crap we have to get over. A good coach can help. And, if you’ve got a ton of crap to deal with, you are wise to talk to a therapist.

Of course, you probably try to get through as best you can on your own. But read this to the end and you’ll see that not one of us really lives “on our own.”

You are designed to be connected.

It used to be that you had little chance of survival outside of your tribe. You’d starve, get eaten by animals, killed or captured by an enemy if you were out in the world on your own.

Modern life gives you the illusion that you don’t really need a tribe. But, trust me, you do.

Your tribe is the one “outside” place you should find your identity.

Every tribe has a common identity made up of the stories shared by it’s members. Remember how I said in my previous post that your identity is the collection of short stories you tell yourself and others? Your tribe’s identity comes from stories too.

And March Madness is a perfect example of how this works. Watch the fans at the game. (Don’t do it while your team is playing. You have to BE a fan for your team and pay attention to the game.)

The fans in the bleachers are intense! The story of their tribe is developing on the court in front of their eyes.

A win means wild celebration!

Losing sucks!

When you’re a fan, this is your story too.

The anticipation, the drama, the highs and lows of the game are what you crave, because you have part of your identity wrapped up in your team.

I know what you’re thinking . . . that you’re above all that. That you’re cool, calm, and collected.

But think about how you talk about the game the day after your team loses. You make excuses or complain about what went wrong as if somehow a little bit responsible for the way your team blew it.

We are the champions! This is my tribe.

You can find a ton of articles discussing the how and why people choose to be fans of one team over another. No one has a clear, definitive answer on this. But true fans tie their passion and identity to the ups and downs of their team. They are part of the tribe.

You may not be a sports fan, but you belong to a tribe.

And you probably have several tribes.

Remember the definition: your tribe is the group you belong to that gives you some of your identity. You have common, shared stories with your tribe. And you may have an initiation process or have to prove yourself in some way to be part of the tribe.

Let me tell you a story to show you what I mean.

I am an ultra-marathon trail runner!

I started running trails a little over a year ago. My goal, when I started, was to run a 50 mile trail race that was scheduled twelve months from when I began.

The man who inspired me was part of a group called the Trail Nerds. I started hanging out with them at their weekly events. I learned the lingo and picked up tips on how to run better, faster, and farther.

I decided to run a 50K trail race a few months before the 50 mile race I was planning for.

I made all kind of mistakes. After 20 miles, I felt like I couldn’t go on. But a woman from the Trail Nerds came a quarter-mile down the trail to find me.

“You have only ten minutes to make the cutoff!” she said. “You need to get a move on!”

She didn’t accept my excuse that I couldn’t make it another 10 miles. She sat me in a chair at the aid station, and people swarmed around me, dumping ice water on my head and stocking up my hydration pack. I stumbled out of the aid station, beating the cutoff time by 4 minutes.

Making the cutoff meant I was DFL!

The course “sweepers” were only a few hundred yards behind me.

But I finished. I was DFL — Dead F*in Last.

At our next group run, the lady who encouraged me said, “You’re an ultra runner now!” It didn’t matter that I was DFL. I finished! I was a member of the tribe.

And I successfully completed my 50 mile trail race a few months later.

Find a tribe that makes you better than you can be on your own.

The 50 mile trail race has a 100 mile distance as well. One of my fellow tribe members made it 95 miles before an injury stopped him.

After my 50 mile race, I mentioned that I was thinking about doing the 100 mile version this year. My tribe said, “Of course you can do it!”

Hang out with people who think running 100 miles on dirt trails is normal!

No, I don’t expect you to become a runner. But you do need to make sure the people you hang out with give you this kind of encouragement. Your tribe should push you to be the best you can be!

If you want to be better and do better, take a good look at who you hang out with. Jim Rohn is famous for saying that you are the average of your 5 closest friends. But there’s evidence that your entire tribe is what influences you, for good or evil.

What do you have to offer your tribe?

Your tribe should give help and encouragement to go after the life you want. And you have to have something to offer to the group as well.

I can tell you from experience that you don’t fit in very well when you’re trying to pull your identity from the outside in. Your tribe should add a bonus layer to your identity. Not make up your entire identity.

Your tribe wants people who are confident in who they are.

When you live from the inside out, when what you do comes from who you are, you attract your ideal tribe. Your confidence is a people-magnet.

There is an African proverb that says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

So be yourself and find your tribe. And I hope your NCAA bracket stays intact.

Do you have a dream that you’ve hidden away that’s aching to break out? Or is there a gnawing in your gut that you’re meant for something more, something extraordinary?

I’ll help you transform yourself so you won’t look back ten years from now saying, “Oh, what I could’a . . . would’a . . . should’a . . . done when I had the chance!”

Click now on the button below to schedule a free consultation to see how I can help you!

Who are you?

March 20, 2019 by Eric Deeter Leave a Comment

Who are you?

Take a minute to watch this short clip from Anger Management. Have you ever felt like Dave?

Do you live from the outside in?

I think it could be a conspiracy. We’ve all been conditioned to think of who we are in terms of our job and the things we have. THEY want us to live like this because it makes us hard working producers as well as constant consumers. And you know that producing and consuming is what drives our whole economy.

And every ad you see is working to convince you that you’ll be better looking, thinner, sexier, more popular, healthier, and happier when you buy whatever product THEY are selling. So you have to get a good job and work hard to get all the things you need to be the person you think you want to be.

This is how THEY shape your identity.

It’s natural to think of your job as a big part of who you are. Your status in the world and your self image are tied to your job title. Why do you think some corporations have so many vice-presidents and managers? Don’t believe me? Imagine how you’d feel telling everyone you’re starting a new career as a garbage truck driver. Your ego would take a huge hit with that decision.

So why does it matter?

Outside in. Inside out. Just let me live my life, damnit!

I get you! When your job is going great and you’re making good money, you usually don’t start thinking about “Who am I and what is my life all about?”

But ignoring this question can bring you two potential problems.

The first problem is this: When your identity comes from what you do and what you have, what happens if you lose your job or all your stuff? Who are you then? None of us like to think about it. But life happens.

The second problem is that you spend a ton of energy trying to keep everything under control so you don’t lose what you’ve got. I know. I’ve been there. And I know from experience how the stress of it takes a toll on your mind and body.

The third problem is that living from the outside in is like eating only carbohydrates. You’re never quite satisfied and seem to always want more.

Don’t get me wrong. Having a crappy job and being poor isn’t the answer either.

(Yes, I put three items here on purpose to see if you’re paying attention.)

Get free from the conspiracy!

I know! I know! You’re thinking I’m about to give you the the hook. Here’s where I tell you that you’ve got to do something that kind of sucks. You’re looking for my sales pitch. Am I right?

Well, the answer is yes and no for the sales pitch.

Yes, I can tell you from experience that doing the same thing over and over again gives you the same crappy results. And I did the whole “do more and get more,” bust your ass and motivate yourself, bullshit. But I was still the same schmuck as when I started.

The “no” part of my sales pitch is this: Once I found the tools, making real changes in my life wasn’t all that hard.

Your thoughts control your destiny.

Yeah. Yeah. All the self-help gurus say this. Change your thinking and you’ll change your life. You’ve heard it before.

Well . . . they say it because it’s true.

But here’s what they don’t say.

Those thoughts that control your life are 95% subconscious.

This means that you can use all the affirmations, self-discipline and mindset tactics you want. Your subconscious won’t listen. Your subconscious doesn’t respond to logic and “reason”.

And your affirmations and self-talk are all based in logic. So your subconscious ignores you.

You have to feel it!

Here’s the key. Your subconscious runs on emotions.

Your identity is a collection of stories connected to emotions that are stored in your subconscious.

You can change your identity by telling yourself different stories. But you have to connect emotion to your new stories.

So let’s quit talking about theory and get down to where the rubber meets the road!

How I quit being a loser.

I defended the next to the last position on my high school tennis team. You had to win to move up. And I could play well enough to tie the score, but I always lost the game in the end.

Ten years later, we spent a lot of time hanging out with our good friends, Don and Joyce. Don and I played endless games of ping pong. Once again, I played well enough to get to a tie, but I usually ended up losing the game.

The story I told myself was, “I’m just not a competitive person.”

But this was my identity we’re talking about here. That “non-competitive” story I told myself meant that losing and failure felt more comfortable to me than success. In fact, I sabotaged myself, subconsciously, so I wouldn’t succeed.

The source of my “loser identity” story was tied up in my subconscious religious beliefs. I believed that good, spiritual minded Christians weren’t supposed to be big winners. Never mind all the details about why I believed this. I knew it wasn’t true, but my subconscious didn’t care. My subconscious gave me what I believed.

I fought this messed up belief with logic and positive self talk for decades.

Then I found the key

When I mixed my affirmations and self talk with positive emotions, my subconscious began paying attention. My life began to change. I lost weight. I took up trail running and ultra marathons. My relationships got stronger. I approached life with more confidence.

Of course, I had to work at it. I had to take control of my thoughts and emotions.

But the big change came when I finally believed that I am free to think the thoughts I want. And I can decide what emotion I will feel in relation to the thoughts I think.

I quit thinking crappy thoughts.

And I started thinking thoughts that served me. I told myself stories, with emotion, that let me be the person I choose to be.

Life coaching

I now have a coach. The work I’ve done on my own got me to where I am. My coach gave me a supercharged engine. I’m going after dreams I’ve kept locked away for years.

Could a good coach have helped get me to where I am now faster and with less struggle? Probably. On the other hand, I’ve learned not to worry about what might have been. Now is all the time we have. And I’m using the NOW to live from who I am.

How can I help you?

What dreams do you have that scare you a little? Do you like the idea of living from the inside out? I’d love to talk to you and see how I can help.

It’s a free consultation.

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Why Your Resolutions Don’t Work!

January 10, 2019 by Eric Deeter 1 Comment

Are you making New Year’s resolutions this year?

You have a new, fresh calendar! It’s a blank slate, full to potential to do it better than you did last year.! So, making resolutions is the natural thing to do, right?

The problem with resolutions is that they don’t work.

It doesn’t matter what you do. You can never really keep them. Here’s the reason why.

You make resolutions to stop bad habits or start good habits. But your subconscious mind feels like every habit is vital to your survival. Yes, it even feels that way about the habits you “know” are bad for you.

Your subconscious doesn’t listen to your logic. And your subconscious controls 95% of what you do.

Here’s what to do instead of making resolutions.

Choose a word for the year! Yes, choose a single word.

A word works better than resolutions because your subconscious doesn’t see it as a threat. You aren’t trying to make a radical change in a habit. It’s just a simple word.

A word has more power than resolutions

Two years ago I chose the word “celebrate” as my word for the year. I’ve never been very good at celebrating. I sucked at it. In fact, the year that “celebrate” was my word I sucked even worse at celebrating. Holidays, life events and successes came and went. I didn’t celebrate.

You see, I had this idea that feeling good about winning or success was prideful. I was supposed to be humble. And that meant keeping my emotions wrapped up tight! No dancing in the end zone! No fire of passion and shouting!
But I was great at celebrating last year. I crushed some big goals in 2018. And I took time to celebrate what I did and feel how awesome it is to win! My word for 2017 made a difference!

Three steps to picking your word

1. What is a part of your life that you most want to improve.
2. Pick a word that was fire you to focus on that area.
3. Set up your word to appear throughout the year via reminder on your calendar, your phone, had her for Facebook, or Instagram.

Now, of course, you can’t just choose a word and forget about it. Your word is inspiration and a reminder of what you want. It’s not a magic spell.

For example, let’s say you decide to get in shape and lose weight. And you the word “health”. You can look at your word every day. Nothing will happen if you don’t work out and watch what you eat. You still have to take action. Your word only reminds you of what you said you want. You still have to do the work.

So ditch your resolutions.

Find yourself a word to inspire you. If you use it right, your word will make real changes that resolutions can never make. And, if you’re like me and pick a word you suck at, you can carry your word over to next year. You’ll be surprised at the power you can find in a word.

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Warning! You Can’t Love Yourself Without This.

December 6, 2018 by Eric Deeter 1 Comment

You need some ego to be an entrepreneur.

Last time I talked about why you need to love yourself. And I offer 3 simple steps to get started. (Click here to review it.) Do you want true success in business and life? Love yourself!

Loving yourself is even more important for small business owners. Because your business is you! What’s inside of you always shows up in your business, for better or worse.

You can say a bunch positive affirmations and self-talk.
You can do a gratitude journal
You can listen to seminars, webinars, audio books and more.
You can meditate.
You can eat right.
You can exercise.
You can get all the sleep and rest you need.

But, if you don’t take care of this one thing, you’ll never feel whole.

You have to forgive!

You have been in the past and will be in the future, offended. Let down. Mistreated. Taken advantage of. Lied to. Used. Hurt. Bullied. Snubbed. Slandered. And more! And sometimes a whole lot worse.

Even so, you have to forgive. Every time.

I know what you’ll say: “You don’t understand what they did to me! How can I ever forgive THAT?”

Of course I don’t understand. But it doesn’t matter what happened to you. You don’t forgive because the other person deserves it. And you don’t forgive to make their life better.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

When someone hurts you and you walk around thinking about all the time, you become the one hurting you!

Your body can’t tell the difference between your memory and the real-time reality. Rehashing the hurt causes the same chemicals to flood your body and your anger boils.

This is not healthy! And, when you keep holding on to your anger, it settles in your body and will make you sick. Here are a few of the possible long-term effects from holding on to bitterness:

High blood pressure
Chronic inflammation
Heart disease
Diabetes
Depression

Keeping bitterness in your heart is like drinking poison and expecting the person who hurt you to die!

The reason you forgive them is so that you can be free. It’s only for your benefit. No one else.

Revenge isn’t your job.

When you’re hurt, you want justice. You want them to pay for what they did! But can you remember the times you’ve gotten revenge? You didn’t feel any better, did you? Getting revenge won’t take away the poison of bitterness. Only forgiveness can do that.

How do you let it go?

Forgiving someone doesn’t excuse what happened to you.
Forgiveness isn’t saying “It’s OK.”
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you forget what happened.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you blindly trust them again.
Forgiveness doesn’t free the other person from facing consequences and justice.

And forgiveness can take a long time if you’ve been the victim of trauma, abuse or violence. And you may need the help of a professional to get you through.

But hanging on to even minor hurts will mess you up. But most of us have to forgive stuff that’s in the middle between minor hurts and major trauma. It doesn’t matter. You feel like crap no matter how bad you’re hurt.

So . . . how do you let these things go?

Forgiveness starts in your head.

You never feel like forgiving someone. Not even someone you love or who is your best friend.

You have to choose to forgive!

That’s right. You make the decision to do it.

Your emotions will make you feel like you can’t help yourself. Your emotions will make you feel powerless to think anything other than hell-fire and damnation.

But, that’s not true. You aren’t powerless. You are not your thoughts. You are the thinker of your thoughts.

You decide what you think.

Decide to forgive

Here’s the normal process I use when I have to forgive someone. And I try to do it sooner rather than later.

Be pissed off. Feel angry and hurt.
Remind myself why I have to forgive this person.
Argue with myself that I don’t want to do it yet.
Stay angry for a little while longer.
Remind myself why I must forgive this person.
Decide to forgive them and say I’m letting go of my anger.
Remember again what happened and repeat numbers 1 through 6 at least once more.
Repeat #7.
Eventually get to where I can remember what happened without being angry.
Feel grateful that I’m free and that my bitterness is gone.

You can use additional techniques such as writing a letter to the person and then burning it. Do what works for you. But decide to forgive and keep at it until you’re free.

In short, tell yourself, “I love myself enough to let this go.”

Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. You can’t love yourself without doing it.

And loving yourself is vital to your lasting success in business and in life.

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Love Yourself First!

November 27, 2018 by Eric Deeter 1 Comment

In the unlikely event that we lose cabin pressure . . .

You hear this every time you get on an airplane — THE SAFETY TALK. Here’s the seat belt. The emergency exits are there and there. No one pays much attention. You think know it all by heart.

But, when the oxygen masks drop, will you remember to put yours on first?

Love yourself!

Here’s a truth that took me years to learn:

You have to love yourself.

And you have to love yourself first, before you love anyone else.

It sounds selfish, doesn’t it? My years of going to church even made it feel sinful to love myself.

Life is about self-sacrifice, not self-love! That’s what “good Christians” are supposed to do . . . love others first.

Remember the saying?

Jesus first.
Others second.
Yourself third.

Loving yourself first doesn’t make you a selfish jerk.

And loving yourself isn’t a sin. You have to love yourself first before you can love anyone else.

Take some advice from the airline flight crew! You can’t help anyone else if you’re gasping for oxygen.

Yes, you need to love yourself.

You won’t have lasting success in business or life if you don’t take care of your soul and your body. In other words, loving yourself is vital for your success.

And I know what you do.

You tell yourself and everybody else that you’re too busy. You have stuff to do . . . you have obligations . . . you have responsibilities.

And, if you’re an entrepreneur and self-employed, you feel even more pressure. You always have more things to do than you can get done. Your business feels like an endless game of Whack-A-Mole.

You say, “I’ll take time for myself after I finish with this project . . . job . . . client.”

I’ve been there! But you have to make time to love yourself now. You’ll die from lack of air if you keep putting it off.

Three simple steps

Do you want success and a happy life? Love yourself! Do it now, not later!

Here are three simple steps to get you started. Now, pay close attention here! Just because these are simple steps doesn’t mean they are easy.

1. Create mental space

Your thoughts need space to wander around in.

You have a constant flood of noise and information churning in your head every day. Life is busy, noisy and chaotic. And you have to work hard to keep it all straight. Your brain is always running like it’s stuck on a treadmill set on maximum speed.

But there’s good scientific evidence that you need to unplug every so often and let your thoughts roam free.

Take a walk in the woods. Sit and watch the world go by. Drive without the radio on. Let your thoughts wander.

2. Move your body

You do yourself good and you’ll feel better when you get up and move. Walk, run, work out, play a sport or a game. Find something you enjoy and make it a habit.

And a regular routine of stretching will do wonders for your body and soul as well.

3. Invest in healthy relationships

Good and healthy relationships will make you happier, and you’ll live longer. Yes, it takes a lot of work to find healthy relationships. And it takes time to maintain those relationships. But you need connection with other people. Yes, I’m talking to you introverts too!

And this is important to remember: Love yourself enough to cut out the toxic people from your life. If you can’t cut them out completely, do all you can to limit their influence.

You do realize that loving yourself first isn’t a free pass to do whatever you want, don’t you?

Love yourself! Take care of your soul and your body. Then take care of your business . . . your family . . . your life.

You can get more insights for business success when you join my email group. I’ll send you my free mini-course on how to think like an entrepreneur if you leave me your name and email.

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