You need some ego to be an entrepreneur.
Last time I talked about why you need to love yourself. And I offer 3 simple steps to get started. (Click here to review it.) Do you want true success in business and life? Love yourself!
Loving yourself is even more important for small business owners. Because your business is you! What’s inside of you always shows up in your business, for better or worse.
- You can say a bunch positive affirmations and self-talk.
- You can do a gratitude journal
- You can listen to seminars, webinars, audio books and more.
- You can meditate.
- You can eat right.
- You can exercise.
- You can get all the sleep and rest you need.
But, if you don’t take care of this one thing, you’ll never feel whole.
You have to forgive!
You have been in the past and will be in the future, offended. Let down. Mistreated. Taken advantage of. Lied to. Used. Hurt. Bullied. Snubbed. Slandered. And more! And sometimes a whole lot worse.
Even so, you have to forgive. Every time.
I know what you’ll say: “You don’t understand what they did to me! How can I ever forgive THAT?”
Of course I don’t understand. But it doesn’t matter what happened to you. You don’t forgive because the other person deserves it. And you don’t forgive to make their life better.
Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
When someone hurts you and you walk around thinking about all the time, you become the one hurting you!
Your body can’t tell the difference between your memory and the real-time reality. Rehashing the hurt causes the same chemicals to flood your body and your anger boils.
This is not healthy! And, when you keep holding on to your anger, it settles in your body and will make you sick. Here are a few of the possible long-term effects from holding on to bitterness:
- High blood pressure
- Chronic inflammation
- Heart disease
Keeping bitterness in your heart is like drinking poison and expecting the person who hurt you to die!
The reason you forgive them is so that you can be free. It’s only for your benefit. No one else.
Revenge isn’t your job.
When you’re hurt, you want justice. You want them to pay for what they did! But can you remember the times you’ve gotten revenge? You didn’t feel any better, did you? Getting revenge won’t take away the poison of bitterness. Only forgiveness can do that.
How do you let it go?
- Forgiving someone doesn’t excuse what happened to you.
- Forgiveness isn’t saying “It’s OK.”
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you forget what happened.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean you blindly trust them again.
- Forgiveness doesn’t free the other person from facing consequences and justice.
And forgiveness can take a long time if you’ve been the victim of trauma, abuse or violence. And you may need the help of a professional to get you through.
But hanging on to even minor hurts will mess you up. But most of us have to forgive stuff that’s in the middle between minor hurts and major trauma. It doesn’t matter. You feel like crap no matter how bad you’re hurt.
So . . . how do you let these things go?
Forgiveness starts in your head.
You never feel like forgiving someone. Not even someone you love or who is your best friend.
You have to choose to forgive!
That’s right. You make the decision to do it.
Your emotions will make you feel like you can’t help yourself. Your emotions will make you feel powerless to think anything other than hell-fire and damnation.
But, that’s not true. You aren’t powerless. You are not your thoughts. You are the thinker of your thoughts.
You decide what you think.
Decide to forgive
Here’s the normal process I use when I have to forgive someone. And I try to do it sooner rather than later.
- Be pissed off. Feel angry and hurt.
- Remind myself why I have to forgive this person.
- Argue with myself that I don’t want to do it yet.
- Stay angry for a little while longer.
- Remind myself why I must forgive this person.
- Decide to forgive them and say I’m letting go of my anger.
- Remember again what happened and repeat numbers 1 through 6 at least once more.
- Repeat #7.
- Eventually get to where I can remember what happened without being angry.
- Feel grateful that I’m free and that my bitterness is gone.
You can use additional techniques such as writing a letter to the person and then burning it. Do what works for you. But decide to forgive and keep at it until you’re free.
In short, tell yourself, “I love myself enough to let this go.”
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. You can’t love yourself without doing it.
And loving yourself is vital to your lasting success in business and in life.
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